Only 4 days to go until I can reclaim the children of clay who have been out and about during Lent.
I say collect them - one of them is missing, but the other one is still there, safely wedged into a spot near the local corner shop.
I have found some peace during Lent on what I am meant to be doing with my life.
The dilemma is this. I want to crack on with changing the world and seeing justice. Since being about 17 I thought that when I grew up I would foster pregnant teenagers. My life has taken various twists and turns and this will not now be possible for various reasons. There are lots of other things I would like to do to make the world a better place - a human rights lawyer maybe!
And where am I?
I am working in the church! Where lots of time is spent trying to encourage the leaders to be braver and to take the risks they know they need to take. Or with kindly people who really need to fire up and engage with God in a more dynamic way.
I am not getting on with being out there changing the world, and I find this very frustrating. And yet I am sure that this is the thing I need to be doing for now.
For the last 18 months or so I have been really struggling with this, but this Lent I think - with the help of the children of clay - I have just about accepted the situation.
When I made the clay figures I didn't want to send them out, worried they would not be safe. After they had been gone a few days I felt reassured having them there - almost guarding me. Since then I have come to terms with the fact that 'out there' is is somewhere I already am.
I have always lived with one foot in church and the other in the big wide world. There is tension to this, which I am used to living with; and I am beginning to see myself as a gift to both the worlds with the understanding I have of the other. I have written so many words about all of this, and spent so much time musing, praying and talking about this. And guess which of the words I have written excite me the most? Helping leaders to get on with taking risks.
So, I think therefore this is the end of my blogs.
I am content with where I am at. I am in the right place.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
tiny sentries
It is more than a week since the clay sculptures I made have been out in the world.
I have thought about them everyday, to my surprise. You may remember that I was worried about their well being before I sent them out.
But now I think of them as tiny sentries watching over me and the world around them. I know this is ludicrous. But the change in my attitude to them is important.
I had thought they were vulnerable - and indeed they are - but they are also representing something strong. They are out in the cold and the wind, standing firm. I checked on them both today and they are still fine. They are starting to look like they belong there - almost.
So where do I belong? I definately belong out there too. I long to be so steady and reliable that people can depend on me to watch over them, but I often fail. I hadn't realised quite how much I depend on the steadfastness of my God until these tiny sculptures began to represent God to me, rather than representing my own journey.
But of course, as a follower of the Way I am seeking to imitate Christ, and I hope that the Spirit of God dwells within me in such a way that the Fruit of that God shows through my actions.
I am hoping that the next week produces more observations a I watch these little sculptures watch over the world around them.
And maybe I will be clearer about my role in the world too! Just maybe. And maybe I too will be brave enough to be steadfast in my vulnerabilities.
I have thought about them everyday, to my surprise. You may remember that I was worried about their well being before I sent them out.
But now I think of them as tiny sentries watching over me and the world around them. I know this is ludicrous. But the change in my attitude to them is important.
I had thought they were vulnerable - and indeed they are - but they are also representing something strong. They are out in the cold and the wind, standing firm. I checked on them both today and they are still fine. They are starting to look like they belong there - almost.
So where do I belong? I definately belong out there too. I long to be so steady and reliable that people can depend on me to watch over them, but I often fail. I hadn't realised quite how much I depend on the steadfastness of my God until these tiny sculptures began to represent God to me, rather than representing my own journey.
But of course, as a follower of the Way I am seeking to imitate Christ, and I hope that the Spirit of God dwells within me in such a way that the Fruit of that God shows through my actions.
I am hoping that the next week produces more observations a I watch these little sculptures watch over the world around them.
And maybe I will be clearer about my role in the world too! Just maybe. And maybe I too will be brave enough to be steadfast in my vulnerabilities.
Looking a bit wonky
I have been inspired by Ric Stott's Lent discipline of 2011 with his Children of Clay ("I ask for wonder" is his excellent blog).
I took the idea and used it as one of three elements for a women's 24 hour residential I was leading earlier in February. As part of the closing worship I invited the women to take a lump of clay and challenged them to make their own 'child of clay' and play it somewhere in their community.
So I took the challenge I gave to them to heart, and with the remaining clay I made 3 little sculptures, and they sat in the kitchen looking a bit wonky, and to be honest a little but scary; indeed Child no. 2 said "what are those weird things doing in here?"
But I lived with them for a few days, and the longer they sat there the more concerned I became about letting them out into the big wide world by themselves.
They were representing to me the journey I have been on and blogging about - how to live the life I long to live, how to know the right place to be. Where would I put these little sculptures? How could I be sure I put them in the right place? I was becoming so unsure where to put them I nearly let them stay in the house where at least I knew where they were and that they were OK.
But of course this was the reason I need them to go out. They are representing for me my own need to be fully involved in the world. And like me, maybe there is no right or wrong place for them - maybe where ever they end up is the right place. Some of those places will be riskier than others.
On the first day of Lent I put them in a plastic bag and took them out with me - as one went in the bag it's head fell off and wouldn't go back on again; it was the first one I made and the next two were better designed so I decided I wouldn't use this one. So with two remaining I set off. One I have put about 3 metres from my front door, in a little corner in front of the Polish CornerShop run by an Asian man and which sells lots of 'british food' - a funny shop, not quite managing to be the heart of the community, but which has real potential to be.
The second one I took to work, and after an hour or so decided to take it out to the main square in Lancaster - which had been 'occupied' for a brief while before Christmas a part of the 99%, and which on Easter Saturday will host a HOPE for Easter festival. So my last sculpture is standing in a corner there - watching over the people having their lunch on the benches, the homeless drunk people hanging around by day, the night time revellers drunk by night, and the skaters wilfully ignoring the 'No Skating' signs.
So I had done it. They were out there.
And this is my Lent discipline.
I had no idea what I was going to do about this now!
So I waited to see what happens.
I took the idea and used it as one of three elements for a women's 24 hour residential I was leading earlier in February. As part of the closing worship I invited the women to take a lump of clay and challenged them to make their own 'child of clay' and play it somewhere in their community.
So I took the challenge I gave to them to heart, and with the remaining clay I made 3 little sculptures, and they sat in the kitchen looking a bit wonky, and to be honest a little but scary; indeed Child no. 2 said "what are those weird things doing in here?"
But I lived with them for a few days, and the longer they sat there the more concerned I became about letting them out into the big wide world by themselves.
They were representing to me the journey I have been on and blogging about - how to live the life I long to live, how to know the right place to be. Where would I put these little sculptures? How could I be sure I put them in the right place? I was becoming so unsure where to put them I nearly let them stay in the house where at least I knew where they were and that they were OK.
But of course this was the reason I need them to go out. They are representing for me my own need to be fully involved in the world. And like me, maybe there is no right or wrong place for them - maybe where ever they end up is the right place. Some of those places will be riskier than others.
On the first day of Lent I put them in a plastic bag and took them out with me - as one went in the bag it's head fell off and wouldn't go back on again; it was the first one I made and the next two were better designed so I decided I wouldn't use this one. So with two remaining I set off. One I have put about 3 metres from my front door, in a little corner in front of the Polish CornerShop run by an Asian man and which sells lots of 'british food' - a funny shop, not quite managing to be the heart of the community, but which has real potential to be.
The second one I took to work, and after an hour or so decided to take it out to the main square in Lancaster - which had been 'occupied' for a brief while before Christmas a part of the 99%, and which on Easter Saturday will host a HOPE for Easter festival. So my last sculpture is standing in a corner there - watching over the people having their lunch on the benches, the homeless drunk people hanging around by day, the night time revellers drunk by night, and the skaters wilfully ignoring the 'No Skating' signs.
So I had done it. They were out there.
And this is my Lent discipline.
I had no idea what I was going to do about this now!
So I waited to see what happens.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
the blagging blogger is here using an elegant solution to the trouble with prayer
I have been on a little journey - one which started by taking others on a journey. I was the tour guide but as is often the case with tour guides I was blagging a little bit when I first started, but the more I have pounded the same ground the more confident I am.
I am now much clearer of my 'calling'/purpose in life/mission/[insert other equally not-quite-right-words].
All I am to do is live my life to the fullest - enjoy the people I live with and bump into along the way. Love them and be there for them. Painful process to learn the lessons learned long ago!
I do long for everyone I love to know that God loves them - I'm going to get better at playing my part in that.
Brain Mclaren's book Naked Spirituality ( http://brianmclaren.net/archives/books/brians-books/naked-spirituality-a-life-with-g-1.html ) is really helpful, and I am currently only praying the word "here", I pray more often, in more contexts and I am growing in my faith. Simple and elegant solution to wondering what God wants for me - meet God in the daily ups and downs and I am increasingly sensing God's own presence. The side effects? I am a more effective tour guide as I have a better clue about what I am looking at and pointing to. I said I am only praying the word "here", that's not true, I am increasingly wanting to pray for people in need and actually doing the praying, not just thinking I will sometime.
How does prayer work? I have no idea. I am hoping to get to a workshop on the theology and philosophy of prayer at Inspire6 on 25th February http://www.lancashiremethodist.org.uk/inspire.html maybe I'll see you there?
I am now much clearer of my 'calling'/purpose in life/mission/[insert other equally not-quite-right-words].
All I am to do is live my life to the fullest - enjoy the people I live with and bump into along the way. Love them and be there for them. Painful process to learn the lessons learned long ago!
I do long for everyone I love to know that God loves them - I'm going to get better at playing my part in that.
Brain Mclaren's book Naked Spirituality ( http://brianmclaren.net/archives/books/brians-books/naked-spirituality-a-life-with-g-1.html ) is really helpful, and I am currently only praying the word "here", I pray more often, in more contexts and I am growing in my faith. Simple and elegant solution to wondering what God wants for me - meet God in the daily ups and downs and I am increasingly sensing God's own presence. The side effects? I am a more effective tour guide as I have a better clue about what I am looking at and pointing to. I said I am only praying the word "here", that's not true, I am increasingly wanting to pray for people in need and actually doing the praying, not just thinking I will sometime.
How does prayer work? I have no idea. I am hoping to get to a workshop on the theology and philosophy of prayer at Inspire6 on 25th February http://www.lancashiremethodist.org.uk/inspire.html maybe I'll see you there?
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