the last of the blogs

Only 4 days to go until I can reclaim the children of clay who have been out and about during Lent.
I say collect them - one of them is missing, but the other one is still there, safely wedged into a spot near the local corner shop.

I have found some peace during Lent on what I am meant to be doing with my life.

The dilemma is this. I want to crack on with changing the world and seeing justice. Since being about 17 I thought that when I grew up I would foster pregnant teenagers. My life has taken various twists and turns and this will not now be possible for various reasons. There are lots of other things I would like to do to make the world a better place - a human rights lawyer maybe!

And where am I?

I am working in the church! Where lots of time is spent trying to encourage the leaders to be braver and to take the risks they know they need to take. Or with kindly people who really need to fire up and engage with God in a more dynamic way.
I am not getting on with being out there changing the world, and I find this very frustrating. And yet I am sure that this is the thing I need to be doing for now.

For the last 18 months or so I have been really struggling with this, but this Lent I think - with the help of the children of clay - I have just about accepted the situation.

When I made the clay figures I didn't want to send them out, worried they would not be safe. After they had been gone a few days I felt reassured having them there - almost guarding me. Since then I have come to terms with the fact that 'out there' is is somewhere I already am.

I have always lived with one foot in church and the other in the big wide world. There is tension to this, which I am used to living with; and I am beginning to see myself as a gift to both the worlds with the understanding I have of the other. I have written so many words about all of this, and spent so much time musing, praying and talking about this. And guess which of the words I have written excite me the most? Helping leaders to get on with taking risks.

So, I think therefore this is the end of my blogs.

I am content with where I am at. I am in the right place.