Mini parties in clouds of mindful unknowing

I am not busy ... This year I have tried mindfulness guided meditations. I initially looked them up earlier this year when I was trying to manage pain. I did a careful Internet search and when I found something I didn't like, I started searching again. I knew I didn't want some vaguely spiritual inner healing weirdness. I wanted something not aligning itself to spirituality. Why I wonder now? I don't know. But now I am also wondering if that is even possible? This links to another set of things I have been musing on. Is mindfulness meditation prayer? I thought it wasn't but now I'm not sure. Of course this is hard to answer because I have no idea what prayer actually is. When I have tried to put it in to words sometimes those words have been something about a deep connection with God who is in deep connection with Gods own self doing the loving and grieving and business of aliveness. Prayer for me I think is about joining with God in that love and celebration and loss and pain of aliveness. I have recently been reading up on Apophatic prayer as suggested by my spiritual director. I read today something by a Father McLeod "One seeks to reach beyond conscious awareness — beyond thoughts and images — and arrive at the depth of one’s being, there to await the coming of the Lord" That is what I've been trying to express as prayer. There is loads more from him here http://opcentral.org/resources/2015/01/13/frederick-g-mcleod-apophatic-or-kataphatic-prayer/ So if the cloud of unknowing paradoxically is a cloud of more knowing maybe part of the journey to that can be through the vehicle of mindfulness meditation... "One will also become increasingly more interior as one lives more and more in tune with the deep solitary core of one’s being. This in turn will make one more fully human (59), enabling one to be sensitive to new dimensions of beauty and potentiality and impelling one to love as Christ has loved in a truly universal way (117-18)." This sounds a little like my experience of being present and connected to my body whilst not being over awed by the pain and discomfort it was in. So what I've not been doing is mantra to start, the intentionality to name and seek God in this. I do that during reiki, and I am going to try it pre mindfulness meditation and throughout. So not being busy has led to some more stuff to try. But this is more like a mini- party as Stephen Cherry talks about in Beyond Business

The other day my spiritual director asked me the question he often asks me after I've talked and talked; "what does God see looking at you now?". Sometimes I start to say things which are just my unconscious self having a go at me. I know this because the words or intent is judgemental or mean or sarcastic. Other times when I'm asked the question I pause and enjoy sitting quietly resting on God's gaze. The other day I answered that if God had a red pen God would mark my paper 'could do better" (Green pen these days I know but I'm old!). My SD asked 'is that really God?' And on this occasion I can say it wasn't my mean unconscious. The intent behind the words was full of love and grace not pettiness. I'm not busy has led me thus far to notice that I could do better in terms of even noticing God in daily life. So today I willuse the technique taught to me by a colleague; every time I get up from sitting down I will bring my right arm up to my heart and be grateful to God for something in that moment. I'm not busy

http://www.sacristy.co.uk/blog/2015/10-easy-ways-to-avoid-work-stress Tips #1 above are allocate a fixed amount of time for certain tasks because tasks fill the time given to them. Whereas Secondly I am asked to give longer to other tasks, like the walk to work and then there's chance for time to notice the world around me. I like this re ordering. I tend to squeeze the travel time and don't set limits on mundane tasks. A friend of mine says his colleagues all over work so he takes the time off they're not using. He actually works very hard and performs excellently yet he does seem to have time for a brew and chat. This is my plan for today. I have to be at work for a 10:30 meeting and had planned to be there for 10 to tidy up a bit. I'm going to set off at 9:30 giving me time for a slow walk and time to chat in the cafe when I arrive. If I notice any changes to my well being or if I notice God I'll let you know. I did notice God yesterday and this morning. I was being quiet. No tv, no radio, no social media. Only probably 15 minutes in total but I feel better connected already. I'm not busy.

I'm not busy

Today is the start of lent. I am currently recovering from a viral infection which has incapacitated me for 2 months. I'm now back at work on a phased return but that's going to be really hard once people get used to me being back - hard for them and me. I haven't 'found God' in my illness like some people seem to. I've not been to corporate worship for 2 months and my accountability group hasnt met. I am feeling hungry for spiritual nurture. I am tired and achy. And I'm scared of getting really unwell again. So what did I decide to do for lent? Not buy sweets and snacks; the thinking being that due to having done little moving for 2 months I'm getting fat and this might help. Not deeply challenging or spiritual. Then this morning Richard Coles tweeeded about a campaign called I'm Not Busy. So this lent as well as cutting out on snacks I'm going to find time each day to do nothing. I'm also going to be tougher with myself about what I don't have to do. And to hold myself to account I'm going to blog a bit. I'm hoping to look out for Jesus in this. I'll let you know what I notice.