Mini parties in clouds of mindful unknowing

I am not busy ... This year I have tried mindfulness guided meditations. I initially looked them up earlier this year when I was trying to manage pain. I did a careful Internet search and when I found something I didn't like, I started searching again. I knew I didn't want some vaguely spiritual inner healing weirdness. I wanted something not aligning itself to spirituality. Why I wonder now? I don't know. But now I am also wondering if that is even possible? This links to another set of things I have been musing on. Is mindfulness meditation prayer? I thought it wasn't but now I'm not sure. Of course this is hard to answer because I have no idea what prayer actually is. When I have tried to put it in to words sometimes those words have been something about a deep connection with God who is in deep connection with Gods own self doing the loving and grieving and business of aliveness. Prayer for me I think is about joining with God in that love and celebration and loss and pain of aliveness. I have recently been reading up on Apophatic prayer as suggested by my spiritual director. I read today something by a Father McLeod "One seeks to reach beyond conscious awareness — beyond thoughts and images — and arrive at the depth of one’s being, there to await the coming of the Lord" That is what I've been trying to express as prayer. There is loads more from him here http://opcentral.org/resources/2015/01/13/frederick-g-mcleod-apophatic-or-kataphatic-prayer/ So if the cloud of unknowing paradoxically is a cloud of more knowing maybe part of the journey to that can be through the vehicle of mindfulness meditation... "One will also become increasingly more interior as one lives more and more in tune with the deep solitary core of one’s being. This in turn will make one more fully human (59), enabling one to be sensitive to new dimensions of beauty and potentiality and impelling one to love as Christ has loved in a truly universal way (117-18)." This sounds a little like my experience of being present and connected to my body whilst not being over awed by the pain and discomfort it was in. So what I've not been doing is mantra to start, the intentionality to name and seek God in this. I do that during reiki, and I am going to try it pre mindfulness meditation and throughout. So not being busy has led to some more stuff to try. But this is more like a mini- party as Stephen Cherry talks about in Beyond Business