This is my first blog entry and it comes on a day when I am very scared as I am stepping out into being brave.
Despite appearances I rarely feel brave.
Today I resigned from 2 jobs in church - not a big deal it might appear, except one was as a leader of the under 18s work; and me a JNC youth & comm worker too, the shame is real.
But I also agreed to join the new church leadership/council team. Not a sensible trade off you might think, and you are possibly correct.
The thinking behind the ridiculous decision is this... I have God stirring me up and agitating me to step out and see if I can form some kind of new community of doubters where my real self and my real friends can do God stuff.
This blog might be a view into my journey into this new community. It might also be how I hold myself accountable and stop myself bottling out. It might also be a space where if I tell people this blog exists they could help me with words of wisdom ; and if that happens it would mean that either I have been brave and told people or alternatively that there is a button I have not noticed and google will tell all my contacts anyway.
Being brave also means that on this space I have to be real about my home life, a life with 2 teenish age daughters and a partner who claims not to know God - although through whom the light of God shines out and to whom I am not married. Big grown up, inherited church seems to be uneasy about this, but as this blog is a step into a new brave world here is no place for secrets.
Here is also not a place where I speak for anyone but myself and certainly not for my current employer.
Ok, enough bravery for day one.
Not hard to ask the 'where is God in all of this?' question today as God is always in the scared who are being brave. Thank God for that.
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